A DITTOHEAD AT LAST!

by RFB
Yes, at last I have completed the Limbaugh challenge. Thank you, Mr. Andrew Klavan, for pointing me in the right (no pun intended) direction!

As I stated in my previous post, I have been, due to logistics and cheapness, unable to listen to Rush, but I have read plenty of transcripts on his website, including the entire CPAC speech. Let me tell you, when it comes to expanding one's mind, LSD has nothing on Rush Limbaugh. (Actually, you got me again, Mr. Klavan. I have never tried LSD. Everything I know about LSD is what I have been force-fed by the Liberal Elite Media)

I can't begin to describe everything that I have learned from this experience. I can only touch on some of the highlights.

According to Rush, a defining trait of conservatives is that conservatives love people. I love people. I guess I must be a conservative, then. Cool!

Thanks to Mr. Limbaugh, I learned that Liberal Elitists are all about control. And, to be honest, I am indeed a control freak. Which probably explains why, until last week, I was a LE.

This, above all else, is what sets Rush apart from the rest of the pack. He gets into the psychology of the whole political thing. He knows how the liberal mind is messed up.

Speaking of which, it turns out that liberals are actually deranged ! I mean, I was already having to deal with being a cliche, and a lily-livered coward with quivering feet, but to top all of that off I find out that for all of these years I have been deranged! And I had no clue. But I guess the hallmark of the deranged is that they do not know that they are deranged. I can only hope that through my conversion Dr. Limbaugh has cured me of my derangement.

I have learned that branding is essential. For instance, I always thought the LE party was known as the Democratic party. My bad. It's the Democrat party. What better way to express one's contempt for the opposition than to drop the last syllable of their tribe's official name. Take that, Democrat Party!!

And in teaching this lesson, Rush has been an inspiration to others. During drive time, I occasionally tune in to a brilliant intellect named Monica Crowley. She has her own unique twist on the same idea. The POTUS is not to be called President Obama. He's "The Bama." What better way to express one's contempt for the Leader of the Free World than to drop the first syllable of his name and add "the."

Take that, The Bama!!!

Speaking of whom, turns out that Obama does not want Americans to be the best we can be. Au contraire! (Shit, did I just use a French phrase? Ick!) El Rushbo teaches us that Obama wants to control the country through fear! We conservatives sure as hell would never do such a thing.

If you're an LE reading this, you're probably thinking "what about policy? He hasn't mentioned anything about policy." Well let me tell you, my friend--I mean, my enemy--that just proves Mr. Klavan's point. You haven't been listening--or otherwise you would understand that being conservative is not about policy. It's about having principles, and sticking to them. Now I get why Sarah Palin matters. What looks to LEs like unbelievable ignorance is actually just a Big Picture thing. Policy doesn't matter. Core values do. And when it comes to Core Values, we conservatives-and especially Sarah Palin--got 'em and you LEs don't. Which is kind of cool--that policy stuff just bores me, anyway. Yay!

So thank you, Mr. Klavan, for freeing my mind from the tyrrany of The Matrix. Still, one nagging question.

What do I do with my Prius? I still like it, but it makes me look like one of those people who worry about global warming. Which of course I don't any more.

http://www.rushlimbaugh.com/home/daily/site_030209/content/01125106.guest.html