WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO?

by RFB
The afterglow of my conservative epiphany having worn off, I am now faced with the reality of my situation. A month ago, I was still surfing the wave of Liberal Elitist Euphoria. Now, suddenly, I find myself a member of the disenfranchised minority. The other guys are led by a smart, charismatic and clever politician. We are led by...John Boehner? They run the House. They have 58 seats in the Senate, and when those damned activist judges in Minnesota get through with their coup d'etat (oops!-- there again with the French--forgive me, Le Rushbeaux) against the fairly and squarely elected Norm Coleman, they will have 59.

Am I happy that our terrorist-coddling president is going to turn us into a Socialist country in one fell swoop by imposing a 3% tax hike on 5% of the population? Of course not. But as a conservative, my natural instinct is to look on the bright side. Because being conservative is all about being positive.

And there is much to be positive about. For instance, just look at how much better the Republicans are doing as the opposition party. Let's be honest--we didn't always walk the walk the last few years. We increased the deficit by a lot. We increased entitlements. Our Social Security taxes still go to Washington, rather than Wall Street, where they belong. But that has changed. Since The Bama took power, Republicans have not increased the deficit by one cent! (Unless you count the RINOs--Specter, Snow, and Collins). We have been absolutely unified in our opposition to increased government spending. I could not be prouder.

Speaking of the RINOs--another thing to be positive about! We have a wonderful opportunity to purify our party. See ya, Arlen Specter! See ya, tax-hiking California Republican Assemblypeople!

And weren't those Tea Parties the ultimate headrush? I almost can't wait until next April 15!

I feel so much better already.

A DITTOHEAD AT LAST!

by RFB
Yes, at last I have completed the Limbaugh challenge. Thank you, Mr. Andrew Klavan, for pointing me in the right (no pun intended) direction!

As I stated in my previous post, I have been, due to logistics and cheapness, unable to listen to Rush, but I have read plenty of transcripts on his website, including the entire CPAC speech. Let me tell you, when it comes to expanding one's mind, LSD has nothing on Rush Limbaugh. (Actually, you got me again, Mr. Klavan. I have never tried LSD. Everything I know about LSD is what I have been force-fed by the Liberal Elite Media)

I can't begin to describe everything that I have learned from this experience. I can only touch on some of the highlights.

According to Rush, a defining trait of conservatives is that conservatives love people. I love people. I guess I must be a conservative, then. Cool!

Thanks to Mr. Limbaugh, I learned that Liberal Elitists are all about control. And, to be honest, I am indeed a control freak. Which probably explains why, until last week, I was a LE.

This, above all else, is what sets Rush apart from the rest of the pack. He gets into the psychology of the whole political thing. He knows how the liberal mind is messed up.

Speaking of which, it turns out that liberals are actually deranged ! I mean, I was already having to deal with being a cliche, and a lily-livered coward with quivering feet, but to top all of that off I find out that for all of these years I have been deranged! And I had no clue. But I guess the hallmark of the deranged is that they do not know that they are deranged. I can only hope that through my conversion Dr. Limbaugh has cured me of my derangement.

I have learned that branding is essential. For instance, I always thought the LE party was known as the Democratic party. My bad. It's the Democrat party. What better way to express one's contempt for the opposition than to drop the last syllable of their tribe's official name. Take that, Democrat Party!!

And in teaching this lesson, Rush has been an inspiration to others. During drive time, I occasionally tune in to a brilliant intellect named Monica Crowley. She has her own unique twist on the same idea. The POTUS is not to be called President Obama. He's "The Bama." What better way to express one's contempt for the Leader of the Free World than to drop the first syllable of his name and add "the."

Take that, The Bama!!!

Speaking of whom, turns out that Obama does not want Americans to be the best we can be. Au contraire! (Shit, did I just use a French phrase? Ick!) El Rushbo teaches us that Obama wants to control the country through fear! We conservatives sure as hell would never do such a thing.

If you're an LE reading this, you're probably thinking "what about policy? He hasn't mentioned anything about policy." Well let me tell you, my friend--I mean, my enemy--that just proves Mr. Klavan's point. You haven't been listening--or otherwise you would understand that being conservative is not about policy. It's about having principles, and sticking to them. Now I get why Sarah Palin matters. What looks to LEs like unbelievable ignorance is actually just a Big Picture thing. Policy doesn't matter. Core values do. And when it comes to Core Values, we conservatives-and especially Sarah Palin--got 'em and you LEs don't. Which is kind of cool--that policy stuff just bores me, anyway. Yay!

So thank you, Mr. Klavan, for freeing my mind from the tyrrany of The Matrix. Still, one nagging question.

What do I do with my Prius? I still like it, but it makes me look like one of those people who worry about global warming. Which of course I don't any more.

http://www.rushlimbaugh.com/home/daily/site_030209/content/01125106.guest.html

THE LIMBAUGH CHALLENGE--DAY #3

Today is Day #3 of my attempt to free my mind from the brainwashing that it has been subjected to over the years by the liberal elite media. It has not been as easy as I had hoped.

I have uncovered a significant reason why Rush is so undeservedly ignored by liberal elitists in LA. He is not on during drive time. He is on 9-12 a.m.. All of the liberal elitists (I'll just use the acronym LE from here on) I know, myself included, are working at jobs that require that they focus too hard on what they are doing to be able to listen to the radio at that time.

Thank Allah, then, for RushLimbaugh.com. I can listen to the podcasts. What! They are only available to members? Well, then, sign me up. What! $6.95 per month! There is a recession going on! Screw that.

At least the transcripts are free. And time efficient--I can read faster than even Rush can talk. But there is a big downside. Much of what makes Rush great is the delivery--the timing, the inflection--and that is all lost in the transcript. Oh, well. When trying to free one's mind from the tyranny of the LE media, one does what one can.

And I have already learned a few things. Including the essence of what makes Rush the alpha right-wing talk radio guy. Listening to Sean Hannity, I learn that liberals are wrong, misguided--OK, downright stupid. But Rush drills down deeper, way way deeper. Actually, I have yet to encounter an instance of Rush insulting the LE intellect. No, he knows what is really the problem with LEs. They (we, for now--I'm still hanging on as an LE, but barely ) hate America. They (we) want to destroy America. They (we) want to take away our (their) liberties.

Which takes us to the biggest recent LE diss against Rush. The famous line, referring to the most anti-capitalist, anti-life president in our history--"I hope he fails." I, like most LEs, saw this as further proof that Rush is just an over-the-top asshole. But that was because I've been spoonfed by the LE media all this time, and just assumed that President Obama was trying to make this a better place. Wrong wrong wrong. President Obama--the LE of LEs--wants America to fail. Rush Limbaugh wants Obama to fail at making America fail, so therefore Rush wants America to succeed! See! Rush is really a good guy! My bad.