TEA PARTIERS AS IEDs

by Allen Kolmes

Many moons ago I waxed wistfully about the (im)possibility of the Tea Partiers  somehow being neutralized by an army of equally batshit liberals. As expected, that has not happened. 

So what else can be done to stop the flood of dangerous incoherence coming from the TP (great initials!).  Certainly not reasoned argument. This is a crowd who has as a central plank in their platform the concept that the POTUS is a neofascist crypto-muslim Luo tribesman. Their argument style originated with George Bush's proclamation that the fact that the U.N weapons inspectors never found WMDs somehow constituted proof that Hussein in fact had them.

Current use of that logic--Obama's birth certificate proves that he is lying about his origins.

There may be an opportunity here...like maybe if the NY Times editorial page started  yelling "taxes suck," maybe the TPers would reflexively start yelling "taxes good."  Right.

Then I realized--this is a group whose heads are about to explode. This observation comes both from hearing their pronouncements in the media, and from observing their behavior firsthand at a town hall meeting last summer.

What if we could somehow make their heads actually detonate?

So help me out here. What can we say or do to a TPer to make their intracranial pressure exceed the resistance of their substantial skulls? Please submit ideas.

A few suggestions:

Announce that we should socialize arms production.

Agree to eliminate Social Security--as long as we also eliminate the Department of Defense

Announce that cars and trucks should be taxed per cylinder.

Tell them that Obamacare provides funding for illegal aliens to get in vitro fertilization.

Then duck and cover.