In Which I Choose My Mob Name

by RFB


I just got back from Congressman Adam Schiff's town hall meeting concerning health care reform . My sidekick Allen Kolmes was also there. In the interest of fairness and balanceyness we will both describe what we saw there. I will go first.


My first order of business was to choose my mob name. Liberal elitists have described the patriotic Americans trying to prevent the socialization of the rectal exam as "organized mobsters." Sean Hannity is running with that idea, and has told us that since we are all mobsters, we need to choose a mob name.


Michael Steele decided to adopt the name "Steeletto." (I'm not making this up) Sean was not impressed.

So I am Mack the Knife--out to stab the socialist agenda in the heart.


My main interest was in finding out where Mr. Schiff stood on the Death Panels. You see, Sarah Palin, in her obviously careful reading of the various health care bills, has discovered that the bills provide for Death Panels--panels of bureaucrats empowered to deny lifesaving medical care in the interest of saving money. Shocking! Horrifying! And something the private insurance industry would never do.


Schiff denied that the Death Panels even exist. Of course. So who are you going to believe--Adam Schiff, who is a lawyer (sounds kind of like liar), or Sarah Palin. In any case, denying that the Death Panel provision exists is not the same as saying whether you're for or against it.


So we must extrapolate. Adam Schiff is pro-abortion, which means he is pro-death, which means he must be pro-Death Panel!


I've learned everything about Adam Schiff that I need to know.


And now I turn the floor over to my esteemed-for-no-good-reason colleague, Allen Kolmes.


Allen Kolmes:


Truth be told, Bob, er, "Mack," I didn't hear much of the proceedings, what with you yelling "the Surgeon General is a big fat pig!" in my ear the entire night.


However, I did leave the evening convinced that if the health reform bill does only one thing, it should be to provide for a combo pill made up of Ritalin and Prozac, and should mandate and subsidize the force-feeding of that pill to angry conservatives. Because if they were fourteen years old (and it was awfully hard to tell the difference), that is what they would be on.

For a video of the event:


http://picasaweb.google.com/rhmckay/SchiffTownHallMeeting?authkey=Gv1sRgCNber6qH_LXY_AE#5369124293176092306