PREPARING FOR MY FUTURE AS A DITTOHEAD

Came across something interesting in the LA Times Opinion section this morning. http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/commentary/la-oe-klavan29-2009mar29,0,5456892.story

"If you are reading this newspaper, the likelihood is that you agree with the Obama administration's recent attacks on conservative radio talker Rush Limbaugh. That's the likelihood; here's the certainty: You've never listened to Rush Limbaugh."

True, and true. No, wait! I have listened to Rush!

"On further questioning, it always turns out that by "heard him," he (closed minded liberal LA Times Editorial Page Reader) means he's heard the selected excerpts spoon-fed him by the distortion-mongers of the mainstream media."

True again! He got me there.

"You're not a moderate or you wouldn't be reading this newspaper. You're not tolerant of a wide range of views; you are tolerant of a narrow spectrum of variations on your views. And, whatever you claim, you still haven't listened to Rush Limbaugh."

This is getting creepy. This guy knows me just a little too well.

"Which leads to a question: Why not?"

Because NPR's better? And there are no commercials?

Wrong answer.

"Now let me tell you the real answer: You're a lowdown, yellow-bellied, lily-livered intellectual coward. You're terrified of finding out he makes more sense than you do."

Wow. This guy's got me so pegged it's scary.

Worse, this is not the first time that my intellectual self-esteem has suffered this bad a body blow. Six months ago I discovered that I am but a caricature of white affluent liberals. I documented this on the net at http://sites.google.com/site/iaminfactacliche/ , and vowed to reform. I bought a country music CD and tuned four of the AM presets in my car to right-wing talk radio stations. Honest! I really did! And several times a week, during my midday drive between work sites, I listen to Sean Hannity intermixed with some woman on one of the other stations whose name I cannot remember.

So far, Sean Hannity has failed to convince me that he is not totally full of shit.

But Sean Hannity is no Rush Limbaugh. Rush is the King! The ur-Voice Of The Right!

"The mainstream media (a.k.a. the Matrix) don't want you to listen to Limbaugh because they're afraid he'll wake you up and set you free of their worldview. You don't want to listen to him because you're afraid of the same thing.

"Therefore, I am throwing down my gauntlet at your quivering liberal feet. I hereby issue my challenge -- the Limbaugh Challenge: Listen to the show. Not for five minutes but for several hours: an hour a day for several days."

How does this guy know my feet are quivering? We are talking oracle-quality insightfulness here. Do I have any choice but to take the Limbaugh Challenge? I will. I will.

There can be little doubt as to the outcome. Our editorialist has been 100% accurate so far, so it is practically a given that by the end of the week I will have been set free of the worldview that the Matrix has inflicted upon me.

It won't happen instantly. I suspect I have one or two good posts of left-leaning drivel in me before my metamorphosis into a Dittohead is complete. But I am already contemplating the titles of future posts.

"Stem Cells Are People, Too"

"Rush Limbaugh is NOT a Big Fat Idiot" (Take that, Senator Franken!)

And I am already looking forward to a more stress-free life; no longer having to worry about, for example, impending global environmental catastrophe. President Sarah Palin--a hope, no longer a threat. I can't wait!